If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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