I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize