Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
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Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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