someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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