I wish my penis had an off switch
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could order shots online.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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