The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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