Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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