Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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