Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
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