you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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