i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
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Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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