Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize