I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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