My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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