he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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