Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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