Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
