I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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