Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize