So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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