Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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