He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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