you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
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Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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