nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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