I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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