Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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