Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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