I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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