Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Me too!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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