I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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