We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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