last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
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just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize