i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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