I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i came on her dog
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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