I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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