Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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