All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize