he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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