So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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