the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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