Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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