I met the friendliest cop last night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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