This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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