i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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