i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize