I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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