I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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