My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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