New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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