If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize