your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
